Ten lies to tell London tourists

(Subtle hint: there are links in the list below…)

1. It is traditional on one’s first visit to Harrods department store, to run in carrying a huge rucksack.
2. You’ll never regret blowing a week’s salary on two tickets to see “Legally Blonde: The Musical”.
3. A policeman will always be happy to help you, if you ask if he knows where to find a kettle.
4. The London Eye is kept turning by 437 asylum seekers on a giant treadmill.
5. The Leaky Cauldron really is in Charing Cross Road. It’s cleverly disguised as a 4-storey bookshop.
6. East Londoners will only understand you, if you speak with Dick Van Dyke’s accent from “Mary Poppins”.
7. The meaning of life may be found with the bloke near Goodge Street tube, offering a “personality test“.
8. International Rescue is based under the House of Commons. Big Ben is the launchtower for Thunderbird 3.
   • No, honestly: Big Ben splits into four and opens up, and Thunderbird 3 launches out of it. I’ve SEEN it.
9. Oxford Street is so named because of the impeccable quality of the educational establishments there.
10. When London’s bendy buses go around corners, they play morris-dance tunes like a melodeon.

Notes

• These were all submissions I made on Twitter to the #londonliesfortourists “trending topic” earlier this week.
• With one exception (the “bendy-bus” item, which came from a genuine Facebook petition group requesting the “accordion” feature), I thought up all of the above myself. You can tell I was getting a bit carried away by the end…